Received txt msg from H at 7:12 a.m.:
She got the carpet, slice.
If u have can u bring
carpet clnr? Pls LU
Since Gracie graced our home, I’ve only just peeked in the doorway of the “hawk” room, not wanting to startle her. But this morning, my H invited me to come all the way in the room to see her. I cautiously crept in, edging around the outside of the room, trying to make myself look as small as possible and then slid down along the wall to the floor. Her wings and shoulders arched up hunchback-esque to make herself look badder than me… and she was. I kept on telling myself, “Don’t look her in the eyes,” but it was like trying to avoid Medusa. Where’s Perseus when you need him?
After my drama moment passed and my peripheral vision began to work again, I started to relax. It only seemed to take a moment or two for her to let down her guard as we all sat in silence together. The rule is: she can stare, we can’t. A silent truce had just been made.
As I began to look around the room, I noticed a few spots on the towels that covered the carpet (and the one that had missed). Could this be what I had heard so many rumors about? Is it slice? I asked my H and he said it was, and began to educate me about the intricacies of hawk poo. Let me convey my limited understanding to the curious reader:
To Slice (verb) is the act of pooing at an angle by a hawk. The speed of the slice (sph) depends on the type of raptor (i.e. if it’s a Velociraptor, watch out).
Mute (noun) describes a falcon or hawks poo, particularly the more solid ones that fall down (again, watch out).
Mute (verb) The act of pooing. (also means to be silent, which is probably what I should have been on this subject)
Chalk/Whitewash (noun) white pee-like substance. (gag)
I invite any whose knowledge and expertise surpasses mine (the bar is set really low here) to further elucidate my readers on this fascinating topic.
My H hasn’t had to use our “safe” word yet (in case something goes terribly wrong), which is “meatloaf”
He forgot what it was yesterday and thought it was “watermelon” which would have been really bad, because I would have ran to the grocery store while he was being wing-slapped by a wild hawk.