Received txt msg from H at 7:12 a.m.:
She got the carpet, slice.
If u have can u bring
carpet clnr? Pls LU

Since Gracie graced our home, I’ve only just peeked in the doorway of the “hawk” room, not wanting to startle her.  But this morning, my H invited me to come all the way in the room to see her.  I cautiously crept in, edging around the outside of the room, trying to make myself look as small as possible and then slid down along the wall to the floor.  Her wings and shoulders arched up hunchback-esque to make herself look badder than me… and she was.  I kept on telling myself, “Don’t look her in the eyes,”  but it was like trying to avoid Medusa.  Where’s Perseus when you need him?

After my drama moment passed and my peripheral vision began to work again, I started to relax.  It only seemed to take a moment or two for her to let down her guard as we all sat in silence together.  The rule is: she can stare, we can’t.  A silent truce had just been made.

As I began to look around the room, I noticed a few spots on the towels that covered the carpet (and the one that had missed). Could this be what I had heard so many rumors about?  Is it slice? I asked my H and he said it was, and began to educate me about the intricacies of hawk poo.  Let me convey my limited understanding to the curious reader:

To Slice (verb) is the act of pooing at an angle by a hawk.  The speed of the slice (sph) depends on the type of raptor (i.e. if it’s a Velociraptor, watch out).

Mute (noun) describes a falcon or hawks poo, particularly the more solid ones that fall down (again, watch out). 

Mute (verb) The act of pooing. (also means to be silent, which is probably what I should have been on this subject)

Chalk/Whitewash (noun) white pee-like substance. (gag)

I invite any whose knowledge and expertise surpasses mine (the bar is set really low here) to further elucidate my readers on this fascinating topic.

P.S.
My H hasn’t had to use our “safe” word yet (in case something goes terribly wrong), which is “meatloaf”
He forgot what it was yesterday and thought it was “watermelon” which would have been really bad, because I would have ran to the grocery store while he was being wing-slapped by a wild hawk.

  • Elle

    I'm sorry that I'm enjoying your drama so much! Your blog has become my guilty pleasure. The vocabulary lesson is appreciated but I hope there's no test I'm still confused about the slice and exactly where does the watermelon come in?
    Till tomorrow…

  • Colleen

    The "safe" word is one of the funniest things I've heard in a long time! I laughed out loud, hard!!

    Please keep it coming!

  • cousin's wife

    My husband and I love your blog and are following along as our own adventure unfolds. Fortunately there was no slicing or muting when I walked in on him and his hawk Scout during a late night bonding session, not in the prepared (as in preventative measures taken to keep poo from landing directly on carpet, walls, furniture) "hawk" room but in the unprepared living room ('cept but one lone towel draped over the couch), both seemingly enjoying the soft glow of our newly lit Christmas tree. Eyes lowered, I 'mute-fully' (with silence and respect for any impending release of hawk poo) bowed out of the room before startling Scout into any unwanted actions. (:

    • The Falconer's

      Congratulations on your safe exit out of the room :) I'll be adding your new poo definition to the as yet unpublished unofficial layman's falconry dictionary!

  • The Falconer (the &q

    Hawk poo can be very revealing to the health of the hawk, so it is good to keep an eye on it. For more defacation details, visit this site: http://www.themodernapprentice.com/mutes.htm

Post Navigation